Unpacking the truth about relationship dynamics is what relationship specialist, psychologist, and award-winning author Maryanne Comaroto does best. After the recent holiday season, and with Valentine's Day right around the corner, Comaroto says that she commonly hears people say, "Oh, I hate being single when everybody's coupled up."
Reflecting on this projected concept and thought reality, Comaroto states, "It seems that for a lot of people, you're either single, categorically, or you're in a relationship. Like there's no other choice, and that's just not true. We know now people are choosing to be self-partnered, for example, so the invitation here really is to pause first and look at fundamentally what your relationship is with yourself."
When it comes to open relationships and discovering what interpretation of a relationship is most beneficial and suitable for the individual, Comaroto believes it is important to start by breaking down not only the definition of a relationship, aside from past traditional influential perspectives but personal identity, as well.
Comaroto explains that the definition of a relationship that humans are most familiar with stems from thousands of years of programming around the traditional, typically binary, ways of being in a relationship. Such traditional avenues can be traced back to religious or cultural beliefs passed down from generation to generation. The cultural normative world has consistently reinforced these traditional views on relationships to the point where humans have not stopped to contemplate the definition of relationship per the individual.
For a person to authentically define a relationship aside from cultural influence, Maryanne Comaroto suggests starting with curiosity. Pausing to ask oneself questions is critical, starting with: What is a relationship? What is a relationship for me? What's true for me? These series of questions start to untangle the puzzle of a relationship. Before seeking more about how the idea of a relationship pairs with the individual, ask further questions like the following: Who am I? Am I someone who wants to be with one person- is that true? How do I know that's true? Is it because that's what someone told me is true? Is it my experience that it's fulfilling to be with one person at a time? And what does that even look like?
" I think from there, this will start to sort of naturally help you realize whether or not you're a person that thinks one-person monogamy even is for you. So you get to play with this. You get to practice. I love this part. You get to decide by going on dates, trying monogamy out, trying different scenarios out, talking to other people, gathering your data points to support you," said Comaroto.
As the concept of a relationship seems to alter as a human evolves through their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond, Comaroto says that during self-questioning, it is essential to consider the current stage of life and what that means for the individual in regards to commitment level and how one wants to move through the world. She feels that if humans have the courage to sit with themselves and truly question their point of view on relationships based on truth and honesty revolving around who an individual is and what the individual wants, the answer will be found there to make decisions that really support one's inherent growth right.
About Maryanne Comaroto
Relationship specialist and psychologist Maryanne Comaroto, Ph.D., leads individuals to better self-understanding and healthier, more fulfilling relationships. The award-winning author of Hindsight: What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers!, Maryanne is also a clinical hypnotherapist, certified Vedanta meditation teacher, speaker, and popular media personality. She is the founder of the nonprofit the Queen of the Jungle Foundation.
